Most salespeople listen in order to respond, not to understand, and listening is the single most difficult skill to teach a salesperson. To get better at it: don't react to the first thing a prospect says, listen for several things at once the way hostage negotiators do, hear what isn't being said by using your instinct as well as your scripts, remember that understanding does not equal agreement, and don't waste your time explaining yourself to someone determined to misunderstand you.
Like the line from the movie Cool Hand Luke, "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
In my experience, far too many people really don't have the ability (or, more accurately, the desire) to try to understand what's really being said or the true motivations of the person they're talking to, particularly in a sales conversation or negotiation.
Active listening in sales starts with admitting most of us are bad at it. Every book on sales will tell you to shut up and listen to the prospect. But the skill of listening, and the skill of emotional intelligence that is very closely related to it, is the single most difficult skill to teach a salesperson. Most people listen in order to respond, not to understand. You don't "listen" to a prospect casually.
Here's what it takes to get good at it.
1. Don't React To The First Thing They Say
Most people are lazy communicators, even if they know better, so it requires skill to be able to NOT react to the first thing someone says or leap to an assumption about their request or their motives, and instead read between the lines of what is being said or, more importantly, what's NOT being said, so you can understand the person you're talking to.
2. Listen For More Than One Thing At A Time
My friend Chris Voss shared with me that in hostage situations, there is a team of highly trained people listening to the negotiation, each focused on "hearing" a particular aspect of the conversation.
- Is the hostage taker swearing a lot?
- Are they making any biblical or religious references?
- Do they sound nervous? Angry?
- Is there any background noise that might reveal another person in the room?
- Is there a change in tonality, and if so, what was being discussed when that change happened?
The person doing the talking cannot be trusted to "listen" for every single one of these things, which is why they have a team of people listening in during high-stakes negotiations.
3. Hear What Isn't Being Said
But a great salesperson with experience can "hear" things that aren't being said. They draw on not only the conscious mind (rational thought, logic, scripts and methods) but also the subconscious mind (instinct, intuition, "gut" feelings, etc.).
This is where a good discovery meeting earns its keep. The questions you ask to get the prospect to agree they have a problem only work if you're actually hearing the answers.
4. Remember That Understanding Does Not Equal Agreement
To get good at this, you have to be truly and completely willing to listen to the other person to understand their position, even if you don't agree with it or the premise of their argument. Understanding does NOT equal agreement, yet many people believe that it does, which makes them determined to "misunderstand" the other person so they can demonize you or hold on to their position.
As a salesperson and leader, it's critical that you develop the skill of active listening to understand. It will be hypercritical not only in sales, but also when dealing with employees and clients.
5. Don't Waste Time On Someone Determined To Misunderstand You
All that said, let me give you one more tidbit that seems contrary to everything I just outlined, but actually isn't: Don't waste your time trying to explain yourself to someone who is determined to misunderstand you.
An MSP owner who comes to me determined to cling to his belief that you "can't" sell managed services in HIS town, or that ALL the people in HIS area are cheapskates, is not someone I can help. No matter what evidence to the contrary is provided, or what coaching, understanding, support and help is offered, a person determined to prove their point WILL prove their point.
Why would someone cling to that belief? Because accepting anything outside of that puts the responsibility of their results on their shoulders, and they don't want to admit that the problem could be fixed.
The Bottom Line
Listening is the skill every sales book tells you to use and almost nobody teaches well. Listen to understand, not to respond. Listen for more than the words. And know when someone has already decided to misunderstand you, so you can stop explaining and move on.
Every step of the seven steps to close an MSP sale depends on it, from uncovering the prospect's pain to having the money talk.
If you want help building these skills into your sales team and your sales process, that is exactly what my MSP sales training is built for.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is active listening in sales?
It is listening to understand the prospect, not to respond. That means not reacting to the first thing they say, not leaping to assumptions about their request or motives, and reading between the lines of what is being said and, more importantly, what isn't being said.
Why are listening and emotional intelligence so hard to teach salespeople?
Listening, and the emotional intelligence closely related to it, is the single most difficult skill to teach a salesperson. Most people are lazy communicators, even if they know better, and most listen in order to respond rather than to understand. Every sales book says to shut up and listen, but doing it well takes real skill.
What can salespeople learn from hostage negotiators?
In hostage situations, a team of trained people listens to the negotiation, each focused on one aspect: swearing, religious references, nervousness or anger, background noise that might reveal another person, and changes in tone and what was being discussed when they happened. The person doing the talking can't track all of that alone. An experienced salesperson learns to hear those signals by drawing on instinct and intuition as well as logic and scripts.
How do you hear what a prospect isn't saying?
Use both your conscious mind (rational thought, logic, scripts and methods) and your subconscious mind (instinct, intuition and gut feelings). Pay attention to tone, emotion and what shifts in the conversation, not just the words. That only works if you aren't busy planning your response while they talk.
Do I have to agree with a prospect to understand them?
No. Understanding does not equal agreement. You have to be completely willing to listen to the other person's position even if you don't agree with it or the premise of their argument. People who believe understanding means agreeing tend to misunderstand the other person on purpose so they can hold on to their own position.
When should you stop trying to explain yourself to a prospect?
When they are determined to misunderstand you. A person determined to prove their point will prove their point, no matter what evidence, coaching or help is offered. Often they cling to a belief because accepting anything else would put the responsibility for their results on their own shoulders. Don't waste your time trying to change their mind.